Meal time tips

 For anyone who would like to improve mealtimes with their family for whatever reason
these guidelines will hopefully give you some ideas on how to go about it.

It would be impossible to cover all possible scenarios and a ‘one size fits all’ approach would not work in a tip sheet, so I am going to look at a basic outline of meal times

• Be positive

It is important to make meal times a positive experience and not to bring the last meal time disaster to the next meal time.  If you are negative this will have a big impact on your body language what you say and the whole meal time experience.  In the parent’s guide I have talked about how your thoughts affect how you feel and how you feel affects your behaviour this is why being mindful of what we are doing will give you the power and not your child, to improve the situation.

For example, picture a parent who is worn down with miserable meal time battles and is feeling very negative and does not enjoy them.  This parent will give off very different body language than a parent who usually enjoys meals times and looks forward to sitting together as a family.  Now you may think well yes, I will do that when my child behaves well at the table, but the essential key is start as you mean to go on and be positive from the outset, then you will bring the positive feel that is needed to the table.

• Take the focus off your child

If a child is misbehaving at the table it is easy to stay focused on their unwanted behaviour and complain about it, but this attention is accidentally rewarding the unwanted behaviour and making it worse. 

By shifting your focus onto yourself and what you are doing, you will be able to make the changes needed to improve meal times and it will help you to stay positive. You can help by talking about something different such as good things that have happened that day and talk to others at the table who are being well behaved.  Remember that children will do more of what they get attention for so focus on good things that they are doing and you will get more of that behaviour.

• Make it fun

To me a fun meal time would be having a good chat with everyone at the table, at their level of understanding.  It would involve focussing on good things and trying to keep the atmosphere light and pleasant, telling jokes and laughing.  Making meal times fun will mean people will enjoy coming to the table and meeting up together for what may be the first time that day.

• Be a good role model

Children will be learning by watching you so the easiest way to teach children is by being a good role model.  It is not going to be easy or fair on children if you are eating pizza and they have to eat something healthier. 

• Have some rules

By deciding on your house rules for meal times you can tell everyone involved what they are.  Manners are very important in some households and not so much in others so it is up to you what they are.  For example, saying please and thank you, elbows off the table and eating with a knife and fork are considered manners for some and others will not have these same rules.   Small children under 3 years old will need constant coaching and direction rather than laying the rules down because they are really just learning and they can’t remember instructions.  It is always helpful if both parents share the same values and rules and keep a united front so that children don’t get mixed messages.

• Consequences for unwanted behaviour

If you have read the book and made an age appropriate plan for unwanted behaviour you can stick to other otherwise a fitting consequence for a child messing with their food would be to take it away for a few minute, then when they are given it back, if they still mess with it they can be moved away from the table for quiet time, this can be just moving the chair away from the table.  Then after quiet time they can come back.  If they still misbehaving they will need to go to time out.