I have been working with a father of a two-year-old recently, who was thrilled to have discovered that the more he speaks nicely to his daughter, the more she is nice back.ð»
When I met him, he was making a common mistake of shaming his daughter to try to get her to do what he wanted.
He would be saying things directly to her such as:
“You had better get dressed or I will tell grandma you were being naughty.”ð
“Eat your dinner or daddy will have to feed you like a baby.”
He would also say things indirectly to her, while talking to others such as:
“Sarah has been really naughty today and would not get dressed this morning.”ð
“I had to feed Sarah this morning because she was playing with her food like a baby.”
Shaming children like this makes them think and feel bad about their self, which creates a negative self-image and will likely cause all sorts of behaviour problems.
Dad quickly noticed that when he spoke to his daughter ð nicely, she was all the more cooperative and nice back to him.
He started to ask his daughter nicely for what he wanted such as:
“You are such a good girl at mealtimes, let’s see you finish those peas.”ð
He also talked positively about her to others such as:
“Did you know Sarah put her own socks on this morning, she is so clever.”ð¤©
It is not hard to see how talking nicely will make children far more receptive to you, right?
Try speaking nicely yourself today and see how it works like magic….