Every family argues and has disagreements with each other at some point., don't you agree? Crucially, it is the way that people argue that will profoundly determine the happiness levels within the family. Unhappy families argue badly which drives disconnection and resentments, happy families argue well, which drives connection and understanding.
Unhappy families don't resolve problems when they fight, they simply vent frustrations to the other person in a way that is destructive to a person’s self-worth. The goal is for a person to gain power and control over the other. They don't repair the relationship after an argument, instead they go from one argument to another and wonder why nothing improves. There is often a scapegoat in the family or a naughty child, who is blamed for the family’s arguments.
UNHAPPY FAMILIES ARGUING STYLE!
Unhappy families will use a combination of the following toxic arguing styles:
- Critical of the other person (attacks another's personality or character).
- Passive Aggressive (indirectly shows anger or annoyance to avoid direct confrontation).
- Passive (includes being submissive, avoidance, secretive, dishonest).
- Aggressive (confrontational and intimidating).
- Stonewalling (refusing to talk).
- Being contemptuous (insulting, disrespectful and disregarding another’s feelings).
- Rejecting (walking away, dismissive, or excluding someone from the group).
- Shaming, blaming, or demeaning the other person.
- Listening positively
- Talking positively
- Being assertive
- Taking responsibility for their own action
- Being sincere
- Asking questions to gain an understanding
- Validating the other persons feelings
- Taking a break to cool off if they get angry and then come back to the conversation
HAPPY FAMILIES REPAIR RELASTIONSHIPS AFTER AN ARGUMENT!
Arguments can leave, resentments, misunderstandings and emotional pain that can be harmful to your relationships. After an argument, take a moment to re-connect and repair your relationship by taking responsibility for your actions.
Here are a few words that you may say to your family:
- “I am sorry I hurt your feelings.”
- “I am sorry I was rude.”
- “I am sorry I shouted that’s not OK.”
- “Please forgive me, let’s make amends.”
- “Is there anything I can do to make things better?”
Learning to argue well is a necessary part of growing up emotionally.
Everyone in the family needs to learn to express their self in a non-hurtful way that does not diminish the other persons self. As a parent you are either well equipped to manage conflict and arguing in your home or you are not.
Parents who do not know how to argue well struggle.
They will shut down disputes or punish anyone who may be seen as disagreeable. The result of not being able to argue well, is that the family dynamic becomes dysfunctional and the ability to be close is stunted by the fear of hurting each other.
Everything depends on the way that we communicate.
Discover how to start using positive ways to argue well with your family today and nurture their wellbeing!
Do you think you would benefit from making positive changes for your family? If so...
TRY IT OUT AND SEE WHAT AN AMAZING DIFFERENCE IT MAKES..