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How to Get Children to Listen

Mindful strategies that really work

How to Get Your Children to Listen: Effective Parenting Tips

Welcome to the Child Behaviour blog- 

Today I want to talk about one of the most popular questions I get from parents, and that is, "How do I get my children to listen?"  

The truth is, they are listening, unless they're actually hearing impaired. The frustrating part for you is that they don't do what you've asked them to do. 

Okay, that's a mind shift in that your children are listening; they're not responding. 

Now, here are some tips to help with this. No child on earth will happily do whatever you tell them to do every day of the week, end of story, right? They're just not going to do it. But there are some ways to help significantly.

Let's look at how we can get children to listen using two mindful strategies that really work - BE PRESENT & WAIT FOR A RESPONSE.
Don't worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.

1
Be present

Now, that is hard when you're trying to get the children out the door, you're in the kitchen, and they're upstairs. You're shouting for them to get ready. 

That's not as effective. It's easy for them to tune out. Think about it; if they were shouting at you from across the house, it's easy to ignore it and think, "Well, they will come and tell me face to face if they really want me." 

You need to get present. So go into the room, speak to them and turn off the TV if they're watching it, or ask them to pause their game or whatever they're doing to have your attention. 

It's important that they look at you when you speak, ask for what you need, and then get confirmation. You will know they heard you if they say, "Okay, Mom," or "Yes, Mom." They might need coaching to do this; it's common to have to occasionally say to children, "Please say 'Yes, Mom,' so that I know that they've heard me, and then I won't have to keep repeating myself."

2
wait for the response

So if you've asked your child to go and wash up, for example, and they say, "Yes, Mom," You will want to see them put that into action. 

So give them a few seconds to go and do it, and ask them just once more. If they don't, then there needs to be some natural consequence. 

So if you've asked your child to go and wash up, for example, and they say, "Yes, Mom," You will want to see them put that into action. 

So give them a few seconds to go and do it, and ask them just once more. If they don't, then there needs to be some natural consequence. 

The natural consequence will be removing what they are doing that distract them from doing what you asked. For example, to turn off the TV, games or music they are listening to.

To help this to be effective, be mindful to put yourself in their shoes for a moment. If they are in the middle of a game or watching the end of a show, can it be paused, or would it be ok to wait for a few minutes? Compromise depending on your child's age and the situation, to work together and encourage good communication.

Okay, so let's recap: get present, wait for confirmation, give one warning, and then consequence. It's that simple. Shouting or nagging is not effective. And what can happen if your child is used to you shouting is that they won't do it until you shout. Because they know that's when you mean business. 

They will think, I'm going to wait until you start shouting until I respond. 

So be consistent and use this with the other tips in the Parenting Masterclass and see just how much better your child listens to you :)

All the best, 

Ruth

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