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Using questions to end power struggles and angry outbursts

Happy parents and child bonding: Emphasising the importance of understanding and communication to foster stronger relationships and reduce conflicts

Welcome to the Child Behaviour Blog.

As a parent, we all want to get along with our children, but let's face it, it can be challenging. Finding the right thing to say can be hard when emotions are high and we feel overwhelmed or frustrated.

If this sounds like you, know that you're not alone. 

I recently worked with parents struggling with their 10-year-old son's angry outbursts. They found themselves in power struggles and arguing frequently and didn't know what to do to fix the situation. But during our sessions, we discovered that they were overly critical of their son, triggering his outbursts and creating a disconnect between them.

So, what did we do to turn things around? We started asking questions instead of being critical, which was pivotal to transforming their son's behaviour.

By asking questions, they could better understand their son's perspective, which helped to calm his angry outbursts and create a better connection between them.

So, if you're feeling overwhelmed or frustrated with arguments and battles, remember that asking questions can be a powerful tool. 

It can help calm their emotions and create a stronger connection between you both. 

When it comes to parenting, it's essential to find ways to encourage your children to become better critical thinkers. And asking questions is a great way to do just that. I've seen how this approach can help children develop their ideas and opinions and build confidence in their abilities.

But it's not just about improving critical thinking skills. Asking questions can also help build stronger relationships between you and your children. When children feel heard and understood, it can lead to a deeper connection and understanding of each other.
Asking questions also boosts children's self-esteem and confidence, essential for developing a positive self-image and a can-do attitude. This can serve them well as they grow up and face new challenges.

Asking questions encourages children to think creatively and come up with solutions to problems, which is a great way to help them become more resilient and better equipped to handle challenges.

But perhaps the most important benefit of asking questions is that it shows your children you value and respect their thoughts and opinions. When children feel heard and respected, they're more likely to open up to you and share their feelings. This can lead to better relationships with you and others in their lives too.

So if you're looking for a way to improve your relationship with your children and stop angry outbursts and arguments, try asking questions instead of being critical. You'll be amazed at the difference it can make.

RAISE YOUR WORDS, NOT YOUR VOICE!

20 QUESTIONS TO ASK INSTEAD OF 
BEING CRITICAL

CRITICAL  COMMENT

INSTEAD ASK

"Why are you being so difficult?"


"You're being ridiculous. Get over it."


"I'm the parent here. You need to listen to me."


"I can't believe you can't handle simple situations like this."


"You need to respect me and do what I say."


"I don't have time for this. Just do what I tell you to do."


"Stop being such a baby."


"You need to do what I say, and that's final."


"Why are you acting like this? It's so frustrating."


"You're making a big deal out of nothing. Just get over it."


"I'm tired of arguing with you. Just do what I say."


"I'm not interested in your opinion. Just do what I tell you to do."


"You're being so disrespectful right now."


"You should have known better than to act this way."


"This is not negotiable. Just do what I say."


"I don't have time for this. Just do what I tell you to do."


"You're being unfair to me right now."


"You're being so sensitive. Just toughen up."


"You don't know what's best for you. I do."


"I can't deal with your attitude right now."




"What's making you upset right now?"


"How can I help you feel better?"


"What can we do to work through this situation together?"


"What can we do to prevent this situation from happening again?"


"How can we communicate in a way that shows respect?"


"What can we do to make sure we're both heard and understood?"


"Do you want a hug?"


"How can we find a solution that works for both of us?"


"What are you feeling right now?"


"What things make you feel better when you're upset?"


"How can we avoid arguing in the future?"


"Can you think of any compromises that might work for both of us?"


"How can we make sure we're both treating each other with kindness and understanding?"

"What can we learn from this situation?"


"How can we work together to find a solution that makes us both happy?"

"How can we improve our communication?"


"What can we do to ensure we're both fair?"


"How can we avoid hurting each other's feelings in the future?"


"What do you think would be a fair solution?"


"How can we work through our disagreements positively?"

By using questions along with other vital strategies in the Parenting Masterclass, you can transform your parenting experience and help you build stronger connections with them. 

Taking a more positive and collaborative approach can encourage cooperation and significantly reduce the families' stress. 

So why not give it a try? You might be surprised at the positive impact it can have on your family's dynamic.

All the best 

Ruth

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