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STONEWALLING AND ITs TOXIC DAMAGE
Build Bridges - not walls
Welcome to the Child Behaviour Blog -
Like many of you, I know how hard it can be to navigate parent-child communication, particularly during those inevitable conflicts.
Sometimes it may feel like we're unintentionally building an emotional wall with our children, leaving us unsure about the best strategies to bridge this gap.
We commonly react defensively, emotionally distancing ourselves and resorting to "stonewalling" to avoid more distress. But, this reaction can often amplify the feelings of disconnect.
What we need to focus on instead is the power of positive communication, which is the bedrock of positive parenting techniques and helps us break down these emotional barriers.
In this blog post, we'll shine a light on stonewalling, explore how it generates emotional distance, and provide guidance on what we can do differently. Our goal is to prevent accidental emotional wounds and ensure our children grow in a positive, nurturing environment.
Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful humans on earth.
for what they believe is what they will become.
for what they believe is what they will become.
Dr John Gottman, a distinguished psychologist, has extensively researched relationship communication patterns.
His studies identified 'Stonewalling' as one of the "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse." These four toxic communication habits - stonewalling, criticism, contempt, and defensiveness - destroy relationships.
Stonewalling is when one person in a relationship emotionally withdraws, refusing to communicate or engage, often triggered by conflict or overwhelming emotions.
Stonewalling stops open and honest communication in a relationship leaving the person on the receiving end feeling overlooked, invalidated, and frustrated, gradually eroding trust and emotional connection.
According to Gottman, stonewalling often arises from intense emotions and it is the parents' responsibility to avoid it.
How stonewalling creates emotional distancing
Stonewalling can leave children feeling abandoned, confused, angry, resentful, misunderstood and invalidated, which creates emotional distance.
Children feel distressed, and might express this through behavioural issues, defiance, emotional outbursts and other unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Stonewalling disrupts our emotional bond with our child, altering our relationship dynamics.
From a child's perspective, a parent's silence can be felt as a lack of love, interest or concern about what they're going through, resulting in them feeling ignored, insignificant, not good enough or deserving of your time. They learn to doubt their emotions and instincts and question their abilities.
From a child's perspective, a parent's silence can be felt as a lack of love, interest or concern about what they're going through, resulting in them feeling ignored, insignificant, not good enough or deserving of your time. They learn to doubt their emotions and instincts and question their abilities.