VALUES OVER GOALS
Teach children to live a life of purpose!
If you are concerned about your child's lack of motivation, drive and enthusiasm for life, this blog will resonate with you. Here, we look at the power of values-focused living and its impact on children's well-being and success in school and beyond.
Our society often teaches children that achieving goals is the key to happiness.
From academic success to material possessions, we encourage them to strive for external achievements. However, this pursuit of goals can leave children feeling exhausted, frustrated, and unfulfilled.
In contrast, a values-focused approach offers a healthier and more sustainable path to happiness. By prioritising living in alignment with their core values, children can find joy in the journey, experience genuine fulfilment, and navigate the ups and downs of life with greater resilience.
VALUES OVER GOALS
In our goal-oriented world, children can often find themselves under pressure, particularly in environments like schools that heavily emphasise goals and outcomes. This environment can become a source of stress, leading to struggles with motivation, diminished enthusiasm, and failure to thrive.
However, a more nurturing, holistic approach to guiding our children exists. We can shift the focus from purely goal and outcome-based to a life that aligns with our core values.
For example, two children can approach school in totally different ways.
The first child is goal-oriented and sets his sights on securing top grades. In his pursuit of the top grades, he keeps himself busy working at the expense of fun and play. His mind is clouded by anxiety about his upcoming exams, and the relentless pursuit of his goal defines his existence.
When he achieves his target, he barely experiences any joy because he makes himself miserable in the process.
On the other hand, the second child is values-driven. He is also intent on passing his exams, but kindness, curiosity, and responsibility are his guiding principles.
He is curious to learn, enjoys being kind and having fun with friends and takes responsibility; if he doesn't get the top grades, he won't wallow in depression or stress. That's because he has the peace of knowing that he tried his hardest, had fun and was a good person along the way.
You can see why leading a values-focused life over a purely goal-oriented one is more compelling.
FOUR VITAL VALUES TO NURTURE IN CHILDREN
1
KINDNESS
Helping children to develop kindness will set them up for a life of healthy relationships. Kindness means they are respectful to others, care about them and offer help and support when they can.
When we are being kind, we lift those around us, cultivating a profound sense of self-worth and fulfilment within ourselves. The best way to nurture kindness in children is to be kind by not saying or doing hurtful things and showing them by example.
2
HONESTY
Helping children to have honesty as a core value will set them up for a life of integrity. It nurtures positive, healthy relationships where people can rely on them.
Teaching children to be honest and align their words and actions is vital in building trust in others. When people do what they say and are open and honest, others enjoy their company and want to be around them.
The best way to nurture honesty in children is to be open and honest ourselves and show them by example.
3
RESPONSIBILITY
Nurturing responsibility as a value will give children a sense of accomplishment, pride, and power. They develop a strong work ethic when they grow up, knowing they are responsible for their choices and actions.
They will learn they are 100% responsible for what they do and say, giving them an enormous gift. It develops vital life skills for children's lifelong success.
The best way to nurture responsibility in children is to take full responsibility for ourselves and show by example.
4
EMPATHY
Nurturing empathy in children may take all of their childhood. Learning to connect emotionally with someone else and understand their perspective may take many more years.
Empathising involves stepping into someone else's shoes, seeing the world from their point of view, and communicating that you genuinely understand and care about their feelings.
Empathy creates a safe space where individuals feel seen, heard, and deeply understood, fostering a sense of belonging and connection.
The best way to nurture empathy in children is to be empathetic ourselves so we show them by example.
MORE VALUES TO NURTURE IN CHILDREN
There are many more than four values, and here is a wide range you can teach your children. Choose the values that resonate most with you and align with your family's principles. Take one at a time, as long as it takes.
Kindness
Respect
Responsibility
Honesty
Empathy
Perseverance
Mindfulness
Integrity
Gratitude
Compassion
Generosity
Courage
Forgiveness
Patience
Discipline
Confidence
Trust
Humility
Optimism
Creativity
Loyalty
Tolerance
Appreciation
Independence
Accountability
Flexibility
Humour
Love
Self-care
Teamwork
Leadership
Cultural Diversity
Innovation
Self-awareness
Self-reflection
Resourcefulness
Mindfulness
Determination
Authenticity
Balance
Graciousness
In a life led by values, the spotlight is on the fulfilment and satisfaction derived from living in harmony with our values, even as we strive toward our goals.
It's about finding joy in our successes and knowing that even if we fall short of our goals, our self-worth remains intact because we stay true to our values.
This is the essence of a values-focused approach to life that helps us live a life of purpose.
Best wishes,
Ruth Edensor