Happy Family Mealtimes
How to get children to sit and eat
If mealtime feels like a battle, and your child refuses to eat dinner, makes constant complaints, or struggles to sit still at the table, you’re likely feeling exhausted and dreading family mealtimes.
When you’ve spent time preparing the food, only to be met with resistance or frustration, it can leave any parent feeling incredibly disheartened.
You might find yourself micromanaging picky eaters or acting like the ‘food police’ to get through mealtimes.
In this blog, we look at why mealtimes are important and 6 simple, practical tips to create calm, happy mealtimes without the usual fuss and drama.
why family mealtimes are important
Family mealtimes are not just about eating; they play a key role in a child’s overall wellbeing. Eating healthy meals together at regular times helps regulate a child’s mood, supports better behaviour, and strengthens positive relationships.
Often, when mealtimes become a battle, it’s because the focus has shifted to the food, rather than the experience at the table. When mealtimes are calm and enjoyable, children feel more settled and secure, which naturally encourages them to eat.
If mealtimes have become stressful or unpredictable, don’t worry. Simple changes can make a big difference. Here are six ways to help make mealtimes calmer and happier, to encourage them to sit and eat their food.
1 - clear, consistent rules
Children thrive with clear, consistent rules, but how those rules are phrased makes a big difference. A common parenting mistake is stating rules negatively, like “Stop getting up and down from the table.”
Negative phrasing focuses children’s attention on what not to do, which will likely lead to more of that behaviour.
Instead, for more effective mealtimes, state rules positively; this will help children understand exactly what is expected and encourage them to do as you ask.
Negative Rules Versus Positive Rules
Negative Rule: Don’t talk with your mouth full.
Positive Rule: Swallow your food before you speak.Negative Rule: Stop getting up from the table.
Positive Rule: Sit down at mealtimesNegative Rule: No phones or screens at the table.
Positive Rule: Keep phones in the basket on the side.Negative Rule: Stop shouting.
Positive Rule: Talk quietly.Negative Rule: Stop messing about.
Positive Rule: Eat your food nicely.
Your rules should be specific to what you’d like to improve at the table. Keep it simple age age-appropriate, with two or three clear rules as a maximum to make them easier to remember. Before you begin, make sure everyone understands the rules to set your family up for success.
What will your rules be?
2 - BE A GOOD ROLE MODEL
Remember, you are the one who sets the tone at mealtimes. Children watch you far more than they listen, so the old “do as I say, not as I do” approach simply won’t improve mealtimes. When you sit down with them and show calmness and patience, they are far more likely to do the same.
Being the example of how you want things to be is far more effective than shouting orders while rushing around in the kitchen. When children see you using polite language, taking your time, and showing gratitude, they naturally follow your lead. This gentle modelling helps make mealtimes a positive, enjoyable experience for everyone.
Example of a positive turnaround:
I once worked with a family whose mealtimes were a disaster.
The two boys sat at the table, endlessly fighting and refusing to eat their meals. Their little sister sat on the settee with her dinner on her lap to stay out of the way, which caused great resentment from the boys, and Mum reprimanded them constantly while she worked in the kitchen.
Once Mum changed her approach and took the lead to be a good role model, and she sat with everyone at the table, things began to change for the better.
The children responded well, and over a short period, while using the other tips and strategies we worked on, they all began to enjoy mealtimes together, and, importantly, they were eating better too.
How can you be a good role model?
3 - Say When, Not If
It can be tempting to use bribery at the table, for example, saying, “If you eat your peas, you can have some ice cream.”
But bribing puts your child in control and often rewards resistance with attention. A simple shift in language can help you stay calm and in charge. Try replacing if with when. It sounds small, but it sets a clear expectation without negotiation and keeps you gently leading the way.
Using when keeps things predictable and positive, helping children understand what’s expected without turning every mealtime into a power struggle.
Here are a few examples:
When you’ve eaten your vegetables, you can have your yoghurt.
When you've finished your dinner, you can get down from the table.
When you’re sitting nicely, I’ll pass you the sauce.
When you’ve finished chewing, you can speak.
When we have all finished eating, you can go and play.
Do you bribe your child?
4 - Get CHILDREN INVOLVED
Getting your child involved is a simple but powerful way to make mealtimes more enjoyable. When children have a role to play, they feel more included, and that sense of responsibility often leads to fewer struggles at the table. It’s no longer something being done to them, but something they’re part of.
Invite them to help in a way that’s age-appropriate and manageable.
Younger children might enjoy laying the table, washing vegetables, chopping something soft, or picking which colour plates to use.
Older ones might help prepare the food or even take charge of part of the meal. These small tasks help them feel useful and valued.
Giving them a choice can help cut down resistance, for example, would you like to chop the carrots or put the knives and forks on the table?
When children are included in preparing food, they’re often more curious about what’s being served and more willing to try something new. It also shifts the energy from pressure and resistance to shared connection, and that’s where mealtimes start to feel easier.
Show them that preparing food isn’t just a chore; it can be fun, creative, and rewarding too.
How can your children get involved?
5 - INTRODUCING new foods
Introducing new foods is a natural process, and it’s normal for children to need 15 to 20 tries before they start to like a new taste. By regularly reintroducing foods and offering a variety of new flavours alongside the ones they already enjoy, you help your child become more comfortable and willing to try different things over time.
If your child is especially resistant to new foods, simply placing the new food on the table or alongside their favourites can help it feel more familiar over time.
There’s no need to comment or encourage them to try it; just seeing it regularly in a calm, relaxed way is often enough to reduce resistance and spark curiosity.
How will you introduce new foods?
6 - Focus on What You Want
When mealtimes have been stressful, it’s easy to focus on what’s going wrong — not sitting still, playing with food, or taking too long to eat. It can become a cycle where unwanted behaviour ends up getting most of the attention.
But children tend to repeat the behaviours that get noticed. So even a well-meant reminder or correction can sometimes reinforce the very things we’re trying to stop.
A helpful shift is to quietly notice and acknowledge the behaviours that are working, however small. Being helpful, being patient, waiting their turn, using kind words, or trying a new food. When the focus is on these, children are far more likely to repeat them.
You might say things like:
“Thanks for waiting patiently.”
“Thank you for passing that over.”
“You’re sitting so calmly — that’s lovely.”
“I noticed you tried a bite, well done.”
“You were really kind to your sister just then.”
“Thanks for helping set the table.”
A simple reward, like choosing the pudding, can reinforce this even more. Over time, this builds a calm, positive mealtime pattern that everyone enjoys.
What behaviours will you focus on?
Remember, mealtimes are a chance to connect with your child and build positive habits and routines together.
I hope these tips help make your mealtimes feel calmer, happier, and more enjoyable for everyone.
If you’d like more practical strategies for understanding and managing your child’s behaviour, you will find them here in The Parent’s Guide to Children’s Behaviour.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to drop me a message and let me know what’s working for you.
Warm regards,
Ruth Edensor
